Bryce Courtenay I am not ... Stephanie Myer possibly. I kid. Maybe :P
Light It Up Blue was in April & April was also the month of Autism Awareness.
The thing is I am starting to think we are going backwards on a lot of things rather than moving forwards.
To me it seems to have become something people just roll their eyes over or make comments that are quite ignorant. Not necessarily because they want to be either but more so because they assume everything they see or hear in a lot of media hype etc. Double edged sword really. The media is the best way to get awareness out there yet it can also bite you.
Oh & can I also point out I don't mean awareness as in " QUICK ! Find a cure ". Nope. Definitely not into that. I am talking about awareness on a level that people start to see that differences whether it be because of sensory issues or the flappy happy kid are just as normal as the kid in a wheelchair, the kid with the hearing aids because ALL of those differences are OK. They are all within normal.
The thing is & I am hearing it more & more is the " Oh yes, THOSE kids. The ones the parents just don't want to parent. They just need a good smack " or " Yeah ASD has become the 'IT' diagnosis like ADHD was a few years ago. It's so easy to get the diagnosis that the parents use it to explain everything they have done wrong ". Although there can be those who think you are almost a god because ' I could never do your job ' or seem to think you have the patience of a saint etc. We've all said it to someone at some stage admittedly.
Sooo ummm yeah.
Ummm no.
It comes from so many who are ignorant of the processes involved, the soul searching parents go through & what ends up being something that while yes opens doors to access various therapies & funding can actually see other doors slam as parents around you start judging you. Funnily enough even more so than they already were because it seems something we do so brilliantly in the first place.
Even for those who have what can be labelled at NT kids ( Neuro-Typical ) we are judging them from the get go or the very least judging the child.
Do they sleep well ?
Are they keeping up with milestones ?
Are they a happy baby ?
I mean OK they are relevant to a point however really why do perfect strangers feel it necessary to ask you in the Supermarket whether your baby sleeps well ? I mean aren't there like a million other questions to ask other than that ? Or even just a statement such as " What a sweet baby " would suffice yet from the moment we venture out with our new wee bundle we are being almost bombarded with advice.
I could go into my ranting about how many will be bagging your choices of breast versus bottle, telling you to make baby cry it out because otherwise they will learn bad habits which just makes my blood pressure rise so I really don't think me going off on that ranting tangent will help anyone. I just wish we were more supportive of that new mother. We are often such fragile creatures in those first few months, learning about this precious new person now in our arms we really don't need the negatives because we certainly do a bluddy good job of all of that ourselves !!
Anyways the judgement seems to grow as the child does.
How soon did they have their first MacDonalds fries, whether you are using organic only produce & hand making everything you possibly can ... Look don't get me wrong I get all judgey pants too. I am not gonna sit here & act like I don't because some things simply are foolish & some downright dangerous. There is a difference though.
I do believe we need to stop listening to a lot of the crap around & 'experts' but then lies the problem of well some of these experts are the ones who advise the 'good stuff'. So what do we do ?
Aaaaaah the joys of parenting. It's like running in circles with a pot on your head & hitting it repeatedly with a wooden spoon.
The media tend to show us those who are either exceptionally gifted or those on the severe end of the spectrum. Yet it's called a spectrum for a reason. They show us the violence which is often extreme & the reality for many of us but don't show the gentle times, the love & fun.
As a mum of two gorgeously wonderful little male peoples who happen to have ASD diagnoses it seems like a battle ground some days & yes I do also know that a lot of what is said is of my own choosing on how to react. That is not lost on me ;) It can be hard though not to get defensive. All mums are of their children & when it feels like it's not just a parenting choice being judge but the child themselves then it does create a need to defend.
I openly admit to my parenting not being perfect. Can someone who is the perfect parent please come forward so we can all
I have said things to the boys I am not proud of through frustration & anger, I have smacked when I shouldn't have, I have even pondered whether leaving them sitting out the front with a sign 'FREE to good home ' might give me my sanity back ( Please note I do realise that isn't appropriate although so very VERY tempting
To be told this is the latest 'fashion' for kids to get these diagnoses really does nothing more than push us backwards. Yes we have a larger number being diagnosed now but we are learning more, kids who were once just classed as unruly or strange now as adults understand where they fit so to speak which has in turn helped more understandings of ASD. People seem to forget that these kids grow up. They don't just grow out of it but they do learn how to cope better & the thing is being given tools as younger children does mean they cope better. This is something you make go away it is within the brain makeup.
And no how I parent won't change that.
YES I can do things to make things easier all around like manage diets, use various ways of parenting that the boys can understand & react positively to but none of that cures anything & as I have said I don't want to cure them. They are perfect just the way they are, yes they need guidance like ANY child but just because they are wired a little differently, react to various things differently to you or your kids doesn't mean there is anything wrong with them.
It goes back to the days when it was assumed ASD kids came from 'Refridgerator Mothers' because naturally it was our faults that a child was non-responsive & lacked eye contact amongst other traits. There is so much more to ASD that just that. It would be easily solved if it were. However you then would have a world missing a hell of a lot of amazing people ... Einstein & Temple Grandin to name two.
The thing many don't seem to understand is that we are ALL Autistic in our own ways it's what makes something a Disorder than is the difference. What makes life a little bit harder for many & how exactly does a world where people think a little differently or even act a little differently affect them ?
Is it bad that it may create such a change in society we actually start grasping that INCLUSION is a must overall. For EVERYONE no matter their 'disability' or 'special need'. That we are all different so we shouldn't even be looking at it being an issue whether someone has a diagnosis or not.
I am hoping for the biggest change in Education, our schools desperately need to change & it's sad that they have barely done so in all these years.
Not everyone will be an academic, yet that is how we teach. Many need to move, whether they be by dancing or sport or simply some type of activity to help them focus yet we make them sit down. be quiet. conform. Not everyone can perform in tests yet they mean very little for the big wide world.
I agree that many probably don't need a label, possibly even my own because at the end of the day it changes nothing about who they are. They are my sons, yes we struggle with some challenges but I am learning to understand them & accept my own quirky NT ways are not suitable :D It doesn't change the person who will next judge me & my parenting when in the supermarket as G starts to growl & hiss then bites me so he can run. It doesn't change the teacher who scoffs at the diagnosis & says that they need to just sit there & do their work & stop stuffing around. It doesn't even change those around us who even question whether I am doing the right thing day in day out. Heck I even wonder it myself !
The thing it should be helping is a greater understanding. Yet all it is doing is creating a larger separation.
Now I just hope all that makes sense ....
