Today.

So today.

Today was a bit hrmmmm what's the word. Actually a word won't describe it, let's go with frustrating, upsetting & anger inducing.

I will back track a bit first.

As I talked about last post we have gone a little backwards of late with my eldest, he is harbouring a lot of anger & sometimes I am truly at a loss as to how to help him or just what to do in general. I have been well & truly struggling of late, I seem to be down & can't get myself back up.

The thing is I have an amazing support group, a wonderful amazing group of parents I get to connect with in person at our specialised Playgroup every Monday ( we do catch up at other times but this is our day of sanity as we say ). Through this group I have met another mum who seems to be living a parallel life. Well either that or she just wants to be me ... I'm older so she MUST be stalking/ following me  ;)

Her eldest is like mine in many ways but of course they are both different in many ways too, but watching this little guy often leaves me with the feeling of watching a video of my own boy & sometimes it hits me.

Often we are so caught up in that world, in what we are living that we are just so tired, angry & frustrated we lose sight of how our child sometimes looks & I know for me that is how I am atm. I forget how angry HE is, I forget how frustrated HE is & how overwhelmed & tired HE is. How he gets that look on his face when he loses it that shows an out of control rage that even scares him & I see my little baby boy so lost & confused in this big world. I forget that this little guy who can articulate, use a vocabulary a lot of adults struggle with actually is only 6yrs old. I forget that he really is still only a baby in this world.

I see a mirror when I look at this little guy of my boy & it hits home how it's not just about me, it isn't just about how I am feeling or how it's affecting our little family but how it's affecting him. It's a reality check.

So what is this all about ? Is it just me reflecting & giving myself a kick up the arse to say get up again Ally, it's time to stop ?

A little.

But it's also because today a number of us hit a local MacDonalds to be able to chat while the kids had a play after Group because it is nice to be around those who 'get it' to chat & laugh.

Thing is this little guy had a meltdown & so that was how I was reminded of my role but it also reminded me of how closed minded many can be. How their little worlds are so often a wonderful bubble where nothing ever goes wrong, where kids are always perfect & where they seem to have control over every situation. Another mother was so willing to sit in judgement, to yell & rant saying how disgusted they were etc.

I have to admit I used to like my bubble.

Aaaaah if only we could re-make the bubble huh !