Hiding

Been quite some time since I updated.

I admit to having been hiding, trying to find an ostrich hole to stick my head in the sand but mostly I think it was about survival & not wanting to have to accept where the road was leading.

Late last year I was getting more comments made about some of the behaviours my youngest was showing, his reactions & how sometimes his speech was difficult to understand. I admit I was starting to worry but to actually have those concerns brought to me. Sorta threw me a little. Well actually threw me a lot.

I couldn't possibly have two boys on the Spectrum. Surely ?

So while our Paed put us on the CATS waiting list & we waited, we have been seeing OT & Physio through the public sector ( still on the waiting list for Speech ) & implementing some changes at home. This last month we also started a School Readiness Program to help the transition for school next year ... Eeeep when did that happen ?!?!?!?

The last two months have been especially hard, so many emotions of worrying is he or isn't he but mostly I found myself talking myself out of the silly notion that G sat anywhere on the Spectrum.

G is hilarious. Often very defiant & hard to control but funny, sweet, loving, smart & completely gorgeous. I don't want to in this post dwell on the negatives because he is so so many things wrapped into one & he truly is more than what anyone could put down on paper.

Last Friday 25th May G had his CATS.

I thought we wasted everyones time, he was adorable, smart, witty & had everyone laughing.

G was diagnosed as Aspergers / High Functioning Autism.

My heart shattered.

Those shards caught in my throat but I swallowed them down as I chose to fight for him.

My gorgeous boy did imaginary play, he showed his awesome fine motor skills, he did an amazing job with the puzzles & various blocks they put in front of him. He drew a line & crossed it !!!! And to my complete shock & amazement he wrote a G.

I was going to fight this, I was angry !!!!

But in that moment I also had to admit defeat.

My boy has struggles, he struggles every single day, I knew that. He mostly likes to be alone, kids don't 'get him', he lashes out, he is controlling, his imaginary play isn't what it should be, he has sensory needs & more ... More than the 'average' child.

I was angry with myself, I mean I have Boof ...How could I not honestly see this ? How have I been so blind not to truly see where this was going. Angry at the world that we have 'average' & that we have to put our kids in boxes. But mostly yep, angry with myself.

Two kids on the Spectrum, it wasn't meant to be like this.